New World Poem, 1.

 The future contains a new world,

a land of hope a land of girls, who

are treated as well as boys,

a land of nurturance

and without money

a land where bees produce copious amounts of honey,

we protect each other and the earth

our creativity gives birth,

to a united front 

a home for all

this new world can be a ball.So don't allow the joys of childhood

to turn into pain,

adult trauma,

booze and drugs,

and endless working to fill the main

hole inside

nestled in the heavy heart,

don't forget that childhood spark.This is what will build a new planet,

full of promise

and full of magic.

seventeen years of what? (frm my poetizer drafts)

my heart aches

i am weary

i just want a place to rest

that's not so dreary

with open arms

a warm embrace

please come & take me to my resting place

i can't ignore that

i want so much more

but what is it that you want?

i need to know now

i can't forever be bound to this dance

is it a dance

or is it a game?

i know sometimes that i feel ashamed

ashamed of my longing

and desire for love

please don't leave me hanging on from up above

soon i will have to cut the cord

the endless red string of forgotten years

that has tied me to you in infinite fears.

even when i'm walking in my sleep.

yeahhh, i need to keep it more pg. and just be platonic non-boundaried with intimacy friends. i don't want a whole relationship. and i've just been reminded of my being groomed days with rich. cos of the gaia pope thingy. meh.

watch me while i way of the water bloom.

new glasses sorted, and will be ready for me in two weeks.

i'm going to rob's place and making stir fry with him tomorrow. idk, i will see how it goes.

a great big bucket of love.

a chance, a choice. is this really what i want? i call for platonic love, is this something i can shape this way or is it not something i can accept as is / tolerate? remember, we be done tolerating less than we deserve. shiny and new and scary, doesn't mean you should go for it.

take yr time, go slow.

rob isn't pj!

i embrace this new jolt of excitement in life.

i am open to new things.

i went to meet rob for our first one on one time, but the bus ran late and i only got like 20 mins. i like the fact he's at a tiny distance though. no pressure, no rush. i take bk my own power and decide when. i straight up asked him what the asking my number/interest in me was about and he didn't really reply. but we've been chatting a lot, and today i did a video chat with ease!!! it was interesting how he reminds me of parts of me. but v messy, v meat eating, and yeah... hm.

painting starry starry night was okay, the instructor was meh and didn't rly help. and she could have placed her painting in a better position. i did my best. it looks good enough from afar.

saturday i cleared things up with no expectations from ash, got my new phone and managed to enjoy 2 or so hours at yayoi kusama's you, me and the balloons. then insisted on mcdonald's desserts - they were worth it!

i am getting loads of pre period symptoms. the new knickers (seamless) seem meh but i shall try 'em.

time for lots of rest, self care and self love.

aiming for both boardgames and creative writing tomorrow.

slow down and stare at the sky.

taking time out for myself and going at a slower pace is something i've needed. this morning, i was looking at how vivid the clouds looked when the summer sun shone on them. by mid afternoon the clouds were less textured and by evening a grey cooling sky with bits of clouds that stood out, like in nope!

i must check out that phone before i give it back. and i've been watching loads of movies cos we lose sky cinema soon.

sweet summer solstice.

so thankful to be here with life unfolding as it is. saying goodbye to the old and outworn and anticipating the new with excitement. i'm surprised that robert acted on his desire to ask for my number the other day. i need to ask alex which day is the consensus going for for boardgames. the friday, or saturday? more than likely be the saturday, and hopefully not the sunday.

makeba.

dancing embodied in the garden barefoot, feeling completely alive and thankful, heart beating fast and senses enlivened - the beautiful scent of the peonies now in full bloom. everything is luscious and precious and divine including myself. talking with Belle made me realise that i have got good guys in my life.. reading the book i am, makes me realise i need to put more confidence in others. it's time to try all i've dreamed of.

now i'm free my darling

i didn't go to craft group and alex texted me saying he missed me there. i played some board game with him today, amongst others. i cringed my way out of not giving a donation today. i need my body to relax and be energised enough to feel, plan and create.

ash and i at the weekend were a whole thing. i still need to try out this phone. exchange it for a s22 maybe? he trusted me with his credit card.