i'm tired of this life but yet i'm still trying again.

i signed up for an 8 week bollywood fit dance class on monday, aghhhh. i went to my annual visit to the sea - this time at Formby (which is why i've been quiet). i am trying again. gotta give me credit. i'm going with what feels right, new challenges.

is it an end or is it just beginning?

there are endless choices in recreating yourself, the time has come for a new cycle and things are changing/have changed. i feel more at peace and aligned with who i truly am. i see that i am part of a new solution, and my voice matters. the way i lead and act in this world counts. i can help global co-operation on a tiny scale. i am moving on, with love.

finally i'm watching Us.

 i have opened and shared my heart for my own expression, i danced in the garden today and felt so free. i love space and time to myself where i can relax and open up and flourish and just be me! i was productive and moved with grace and more ease, a lightness in my body. i feel like things are gonna be okay, as long as i stay protecting my heart and stay soft.

a day late is not too late.

i had a good time getting a break away in kendal, visiting the castle and getting out in nature. today's walk also helped greatly, just being out and about. so i shall make it routine again. socialising ain't so bad, even if it ain't meaningful. i'm glad i got to experience certain things, and some from a distance. i've been able to understand more that way. now the answers for what's next are coming, i just have to wait, stay still and listen.

i'm ready for new growth and better ways of living.

i had a dream of an ember being passed to me on a stick and it turned into a fire that burned down my laptop bag. sam and pix were there, it was well weird. but i keep having fire dreams lately, waking up hot. some new passions stirring maybe? i feel like writing all the ways i want to be, so i know which ways to move forward into my dreams. like speaking my truth, maybe spoken word. going to a simpler lifestyle. having the right kinds of people around me for me. things can change for the better, i have hope.

orphan black, homo deus.

there are new times coming in the way of humans, in fact, they're already here. it's up to us to look out for ourselves and each other, those in power can't really be trusted.

i don't think i need to put my attention so much on the people in my past any longer, although they give me a few ideas still. i gotta find my own way of doing things, and leaning on social support from time to time. i gotta get back in touch with ash, already have with will.

if science and religion have controlled things so far, what's next? will humans become obsolete. i'm already onto what makes us different. it's for nobody's agenda.

talking with Opal is interesting, another mirror in a way forgotten. basing things in egalitarianism and with equality and equity is the way forward. just gotta use my voice and speak my truth to get there, for whoever may come after me.

everything's gonna be okay, so i keep telling myself.

i promised myself i'd send rich a final message around this time, and i did. no clue if he saw it but there ya go. i asked for safety, it never happened and now i move on. i will always miss him as a friend that checks in but nevermind, life goes like that sometimes. i've been trying to get back in my body. i've been resting. but i need to push forward with purpose and try something new soon. i can't stay static forever. bravery is coming.