Glad I'm not a part of that.

I choose to be surprised. I am having a time, but I reached out and I received. I need to learn to receive more. But, also to go my own way and figure out and soothe alone - never forget that part.

But that lot that I wanted to be a part of, I am glad I am not. So much toxicity.

I'm not where you are.

I am here, I am bold, I am getting clearer on who I am and what I want. Today dad told me he used to be on the racial equality council, the health care council, and his community thing, as well as a school governor ever since he came back from uni. And it wasn't until the late 70s and in the 80s that things like translators in hospitals, vegetarian etc food in hospitals, suggestions to post ads for non-white teachers in newspapers etc. And dad was doin' that until I was born, where he agreed with the mother that he should stop as he had a lot on with the job and everything already.

It now makes sense, I totally follow after him. If only this had been clearer and known much earlier.

Don't give up, I won't give up. Begin again.

I feel energies shaking up, one minute I am powering, the next I have to take stock and see my shadow stuff that's coming up and whereabouts I am not focusing; and where I am that I really don't need to be. I get to choose my life, my mindset, my future and what/who I want. Never forget.

I am attracting opportunities that bring me joy.

I am grateful, he booked a couple of nights away at the sea near the lakes. There'll be obstacles and this will be out of my comfort zone, but I know that this has been called for - change has been called for instead of being stagnant and staying in this repetitive cycle. I will conquer, I can adapt to new things, because they are in alignment. I will enjoy, I will overcome. I am facing this. I will be even more empowered.

Bring it on.

And the weird thing is, I am feeling completely calm and no panic. Maybe because I don't believe it? Maybe because it's in August? Idk. I hope covid stuff means it doesn't get cancelled, though. They are taking bookings, but who knows.

Keep on pushin' on.

I have hope to be vulnerable, I have hope that people are vulnerable with me, I like getting closer. Rich and I are going to try and make this work.

It's clear, it's nearing my time.

It doesn't matter about people who leave, they're doing me a favour. And I can see the life that I have been given, the cards I've been dealt and the answers I've searched for; the depths of my pain I've transformed, it all has an answer on how to move forwards. That means that I may still be alone for a long while, but I know when I find my people - it will be like heaven.

I have to brainstorm the ways in which I want to contribute to the change for the better in the world and then go explore them. For example; exploring which dance classes I wish to go into which can help embodiment and somatics, and yoga spaces. Figuring out where and when and how. Researching causes I want to contribute to, whether in volunteering or in activism etc. Or going to help charities. There's always setting up my own, or my own business which helps others at a small cost?

Everything is aligning for me, and I know that I am attracting opportunities that bring me joy. I know that my rest, health, embodiment, knowledge and wisdom are helpful for the future. I know I can help this movement of change, and I want to be a part of it. I will find my place and I trust that wholeheartedly.

I haven't ever truly been a part of everyone and everything because I am meant to move humans in a new and better direction, or try my best to.

I will try my best or die trying.

if you leave the light on, i will leave the light on.

me and rich are figuring things out, maybe we'll get there and maybe we won't - but at least we try! i am coming back into myself and my love for myself and the undying everlastingness inside me. i am whole and i am happy with meeee.