if you're quiet about this, you're never going to get diagnosed.

a reminder that i stand for all women, helping women empower themselves by becoming empowered myself. i'm on the cusp of completely letting the old go, and also embarking on so many potential new openings that i don't know what way they'll go. i'm in my perspective and it's valid, and it's valid to have the right things and people who meet my needs in that perspective, even if i can see so many other perspectives. i only have the here and now to work with, and i trust i'll find my way.

peace, love, new growth

re-potted my cactus, made dairy free oat, pb, banana and yoghurt cake, spent time in the sun. i'm booked into two workshops; one on poetry, one on prose, my writing is going well, i met will again this week in a coffee/record shop that reminded me of empire records. i love life, and what i can make of it still.

obstacles are signs of needing to let go.

i'm being pulled in all directions, there's so much i want to become but also people and old stuff is still dragging me back. it doesn't want me gone, but i have already left! the type of life i want to build is coming in opportunities and pieces, the people i have to draw the bits i need from. things are going to work out, i believe in myself, in love, and a better way for the world.

sleep, write, do, repeat.

i feel exhausted, the events of this week have left me teetering again. i only have one day to properly rest, and even that some prep work is required. i'm glad i got to tell my story this morning, it was good to get back into it. i am wondering where my IRL place is in this world, i feel at odds again and i just need to find other humans that see me for me.

making moves, i trust myself.

things are moving so fast, last week the blooms were barely more than just one or two out of their buds and by the weekend they all just sprang up! i'm forever active, on friday i did my writer's group at the library and it was really enjoyable, the homework had me in full creative flow and i love it. in other news, i've vocalised my interest in becoming trained to do the dance fitness i go to. but woah, idk why i said yes to it. let's see where that goes. i liked crafting in a quieter group today, and i'm blessed and so thankful for the kindness and amazing people surrounding me.

allow grief to flow, let go, feel into your joy and gratitude in balance.

it's been tough, i think the sensitive individuals are really feelin' the state of the world rn. i want to breathe spring air in deeply and remember how grateful i am to be alive. i feel like lots of old thought patterns were coming up/sui thoughts. but today, i turned it around, i manage to nourish myself better. i was lucky to be around t and connie. i am more present in the now of my life, and also able to hear about the atrocities.

tomorrow, i am going to try a free (atm) writing group at the library that a woman in my craft group told me of, and r invited herself. it's going to be a day, so i'm going to have an early night. self-soothe early and meditate too.

we're getting through this and onto something new.

beauty is everywhere you just gotta look.

i found out nancy died a week ago, this time last week i was in shock. i had a week of grief, and i didn't really wanna go see chris but i showed up. it was nice in the mild sense, but i gave him my gift from my heart (home made) and i could feel that that was a good place to end/erect greater boundaries around my space and time for him. i'd like to have a conversation about it with him some time, but maybe when he notices? idk. i walked for hours upon hours (or what felt like it) yesterday in the country park, it was muddy and mindful and beautiful. small signs of spring abundant everywhere. i ate a whole medium sized pizza myself, and chocolate too without any guilt much at all. another busy week, i hope i can fall asleep flat out by half 11ish like last night.

grief is not done with me yet.

the world is so heavy rn, i feel so lost and alone again even though just a couple of days ago i felt so interconnected - i think i've had too much empathy to others' situations and it's too much. i should take a break. i thought doing so well after the tree planting, despite the weather, was a good sign. and spring be springing, dad and i got to the park yesterday whilst the sun and blue skies were out. but then out of nowhere, another deep dip. my grandma also tested positive for covid, so i'm just thinking about her a lot and sending good energy vibes her way. i need lots of rest, now.