i love you, i honour you, i'm with you.

 i can't do life without me, so i take care of me first. i want to get to the point where i can jump in and serve and help others in life, but i must take care and rest myself first. i love myself, i'm here for myself, i've got this.

we are all we don't know and more.

 trying to connect up the dots of my past again, making my own narrative and making things look better  for the times going ahead. today i watched doolittle and i related. it's interesting on these quiet times, but i've prepared for this throughout my life. i wonder if this will always be the norm. i wonder what is to come. i loved the roald and beatrix crossover. the queen's speech even made me cry (a day before my period, so pre period feels)

i was thinking about terry's choc orange

and what came to me today by gift to dad from work? i guess we'll be having og terry's at xmas for once again.

i invited it into my life. i'll do this with other things too. life awaits, and it can be good.

you'll make a home of yr own.

 MILCK all day every day, well, as much as I can. I think it was definitely time to walk away from Rich. I'm ready for my life path to unfold, I leave all of the rocky parts of my past behind. I know undealt stuff will still creep up on me, but I have the awareness. I'm just sad at having to navigate systems that haven't worked for my family (AK and her bullying at work etc) and my decided kin. I want capitalism to end, and maybe it will when life can't go "back to normal" in 2021.

i'm only a woman if woman is a word.

i let go of rich, entirely - and i've told him so. it's so final but it's refreshing. his dodgy stuff from our past, the way he never let me in properly, the way i hung on in hope a lot over the years -- and i was doing that again this year! leaving him behind in 2020. it's a major decision, but i know that it makes room and space for people more aligned on my road to join me. i thank him for all the years - i'm glad we didn't quite make it to two decades. some people are not meant to be in each other's lives forever. he was p much the longest though, unless Chris..

don't forget the bigger picture.

i've been playing too small, after being in my body and finding my voice and putting myself out there, it seems i shrank again. i forgot that there's more than just being unconventional, it's okay to conform in some respects. i figured this out again after i saw my swedish old friend is still around after thinking of them a lot this year and how they were coping in all of this. it made me realise my bigger goals from way back when in 2012. small steps and big leaps. 

also, encyclopedias, remember them? ahhh. nostalgia.

holy sh*t this could be it!

 i am slowly finding my mojo while resting and revisiting things from my past, like Angel. it's coming back to me, and i am really awesome - even through my healing years. i've done it and so much more. now i can go towards what it is i want. and i can imagine, think, and become!

you will find yr way.

it's tough, you can't see your way. but that's the thing about the winter and its weather. you just let it be, let it do its thing, and you just rest. take care of yr mind and body, slow right down, connect with yr body, yr joy, yr wholeness and remember who you are and what you're here for.