no arrow and no bow.

i realised that i've been going through the fallout of triggers, and wanting to stay in my comfort zone and trying to fit everything in around that.. and i need to be on my own rn. luckily, i'm energised by the sun, and i moved through my angry feelings and felt and released them. i will be fine. i am resilient.

It always comes back to the self.

Self focus, self determination, self care, self love. Connect to these more than you connect with others, and this will be a solid baseline from which to move on in the world.

If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky.

Love always brings a light to your shadow parts, to your longings, to the forgotten needs you once knew. It's a re-imagining of a skyscape you've painted yourself, but with concealed parts of your past within it. It shakes you up again, reminds you not to doubt yourself in the place you have come along at in your journey and makes you question what it is you want. What can enhance, what you must feel that you had forgotten to feel/remembered, and feel fully sitting with all of your past and present in all its glory; but not forgetting that you are valid, deserving, worthy and enough here just as you are in this present moment.

Take yrself out to nature and remember that the trees have been through a lot and they are still standing, you can too.

Slowwwwwwww yr roll.

I was wondering why things were feeling wrong in my body, and the past month has been a difficult one - it's natural to revert back to not listening to my inner self when there are times of extreme stress. I'm glad I am out the other side, and now I can get on with just taking it slow again and letting the answers arrive within me. I am able and capable to support the life that I want into being, and I can have the friendships/loves that I desire so long as the other people involved are healthy functioning and happy to. I feel a lot of positivity. Even though I stumbled, I am back on track once again. Resilience, even in uncertain times. Life is working for me and with me.

Always choose yourself, ambassador of love.

A reminder today on who I truly am, and to trust in that rather than trying to mould into someone else's version of what they believe is life. I am purposeful, and I am alive to choose what I want; even if that means losing others that are dear to me. I am committed to always choosing myself and my growth, to become the ambassador of love and shape a new and better world in whatever small way I am able to.

The right people (for me) will join right beside me, and I trust in it all. Today I saw where I come from, and the familiarity in the people I've chosen. What overlaps and makes sense for me, and what I choose to move against. Most people don't have that choice, I am thankful for my slice of privilege to allow me to be more my core self in this world. But other people have their privileges too, and it's not up to me to convince them of a new and better way. The people who choose me continuously are the ones who will be the ones who want to know and to listen, at least.

I love myself first and foremost, and I have only the best intentions. I will get to where I want to be, and I believe in this so so much.

In This Together, In This Apart. Whatever the weather, you're always in my heart.

I'm going to have a big conversation with him, and right now I'm preparing. We can either grow together - individually but supporting and encouraging one another. Or we can just not. If I'm constantly growing, it'll scare him. If he is constantly staying still/stuck in old ways of being, it'll annoy me. But he has to get clear on what he wants, because I know I can work with whatever the facts may be. I'm giving seventeen years a chance.

Always coming back to me.

He's around, but I'll get back to him. Probably when my period/the funeral is over.

I am focusing on researching dance therapy, and how I can make it into teaching such things via somatics and embodied dance.
I am also trying to write a children's story.

I am focusing back on me.

This one is sobering.

Life made me take a hit, A died and we don't know why as yet. It pulled me towards embodiment, I feel like I should learn dance therapy and go teach and be in the world and help.

I lost Rich because I pushed him away too much. I accept it.

{Edited in part the next day: on reflection it is a decision I had to make and that he let me make -- he only left because I asked him to. And it was the correct decision, I had fears that I have outgrown him and his lack of willingness to deal with his stuff in relationships, and so yeah, I feel okay after the initial shock. End of an era -- but it wasn't working for me, I have evolved.}

Focus. Heal. This is real.