i'm seeing a path open wide before me.

i am a dreamer, writer, poet, love goddess, hopeful optimist, scared child, artist, silly drawer and amateur painter. reader, quiet voice becoming bolder, growing nurturer, calm and patient gentle soft person.

i am living this life for me, not to please or stand by others who want me around. they want my energy, they want me around to prove something about themselves. but no, i reclaim all of myself. my time, and where i spend my energy.

more creativity, i'll move into my body and embody in other ways. try new things. be brave.

my bodily autonomy is mine. my voice is getting louder. i am going to be who i choose.

it's a warm, hot summer.

the pie wasn't worth the hype from idle hands, but at least i got the ipad sorted and gift card too. and tim horton's, bby! idk how to just rest anymore, and i've got writer's group in the morning. i just need to chillllll.

anyway, for father's day

i gifted my dad that special card, and i made him lunch. then we went to stalybridge country park and our walk took 3-4 hours and we were adventuring through bike trails, past houses with tree houses in their garden, by a couple of reservoirs and even got lost up at a field from a farm in which there were cows, and one calf. d'aww. got back home and watched young sheldon with dad and had indian take out. tried their mataar paneer this time, it was good! 

i'mma keep doin' me, you do you though, 'cause that's okay too.

first spoken word night, went down well. except for the last act - too shouting, i felt my innards reverberate. i shall expand further tomorrow.

Basically, I am so thankful everything aligned and the timing was right to arrive and everything. I made the most of the beer garden and my non-alcoholic drink. Found out they lock the doors and close the shutters and have the stage at the front, so then I went to find my seat that end. I asked this woman if anyone was sitting next to her, but she was rly friendly and when I said it was my first spoken word event she was rly lovely. 

They all seemed to be around my age.

Cont.. tomorrow!

i am so sensitive and picking up on her negativity.

she's so lonely or whatever, the woman she was meant to go to this event in buxton with today cancelled on her, and she was straight banging on my door to ask me if i wanted to go (even though she asked before she booked, asked again several times during the week). basically woke me up. then her and her family's plotting and scheming and lying came up to the surface whilst i was eating breakfast. then she wouldn't let up, sayin' i need help and all the while muttering to herself. then she kept on saying for me to go shopping with her so i'd get out of the house (Even though i've been out most of the week and planned to have a day to chill and practice for my big dance sesh monday) how it'd do me good, even though i was out in town just yesterday and shopped for my father's day card after writer's and dropping my form off for tuesday.

next monday - dance sesh by me

tuesday - canal boat 

weds - spoken word night on political theme with or without Will.

thurs - my usual appt

and fri writer's

sat or probs sunday something with dad.

so ya know, my week is busy

and i realised, i am moving on from her bs even further! to what idk yet, but i'm taking action steps!

try, because you can!

i'm rly proud of how i did at sketchbookers, i got so into it, i enjoyed it. it was also nice to have lil chats after. and have more tim horton's including a hash brown!

there was pandemonium internally when dance teacher wants me to take next week's class without any training! and wants me to make my own playlist! wtf. 

anyway, then there was chaos of the care home manager getting it all wrong and barely apologising.

now my stomach and throat are endlessly unwell/in pain/nauseous. 

but it's warm again!

french vanilla and grandma's cookies.

how did we get to half the year going already?! i met will on wednesday, french vanilla is exactly as good as i remember. i'm going back tomorrow, and gonna see if it's worth buying a tub; depends on the date you have to use it buy. if it's like a year i may get it. it was nice to chat about arty stuff and i may just go to the poetry thing on the 15th with him. i'm proud for getting an early bus and getting my grandma's cookies - never thought i'd see those in my life again! and then for sorting out the ipad stuffs and getting crunchy cheetos as well. i've just been chilling since that day, mum and i went round the canal end / museum end for a longer walk today and the sun was blazing. i may see ash tomorrow briefly, he wants to give me my b'day gift.. like what?! i watched hereditary and the addam's family animated movie - good entertainment. i am doing sketchbookers tomorrow, fingers crossed! may see my gma on sunday.