there's somebody out there that wants to see you smile.

 you're on the path you're supposed to be on, things come and go but you remain. focus on the present, staaaaahppp going back to the past. it is not where you are now. heal yrself. bloom. be bold and brave and take the risk to step forwards.

it's strange, waking up to rearrange.

 i feel my energy of who i am coming back to me. i am going to make the best decisions and take the steps i need to build up more upon my foundations. i let go of all that hasn't been serving me, including my own protective behaviours. i move forward anew.

raya and the last dragon

 not a typical disney movie in all of the senses, the world needs more trust to bind together and less greed and individuation.

i had my vaccine thurs, feeling okay after 2 days except i feel a tight heart sometimes??? and my eyes are building sleep constantly today idk

my back injury is still there though. can't do basic sit ups still. meh.

fri the mother started something and tried to tie scarfs around her neck to the banister. --- she was doing it as a ploy.

sunday movie time is good. resilience is there. the world moves on.

all the world is all i am.

maturing emotionally and sorting my shizz out has made me see every connection i've ever had differently, and i leave those behind with compassion that no longer align with my priorities. i do not invite them back into my life. for men this emotional sorting usually happens in their 40s, mine happened late 20s to 30. it's interesting seeing life from all sorts of perspectives. i didn't have those classic group of friends experiences, or nights out doing normal people stuff or house parties etc. but my life aligns with nature and health and crafts and arts. i will find my way and people. i have always been giving and loving. that's why vol work would be good.

tomorrow i get my first shottttttttt, so y'know... wish me well x

landed on my backside.

 rollerskating teaches you pain. brought back down to earth again. but on thursday at least i took the plunge. there's a new energy and i'm rolling with it. step by step, back/butt ache by back/butt ache. bruised. but we learn. at least i think i figured out how to roll a basic little. i'm glad i have this situation because i see so much worse with rich's. i am glad i have privilege in a way, and parents who are present a tiny amount even if they can't be anything else.

life opens up when you expand the ideas of your mind.

 things are working for me, all i've got to do is step into it with my baby steps. booked my first vaccine, going to the skate shop on thursday afternoon and yeah, things are falling into some sort of something. just going with the change.

do you know what you want?

constantly sensually turned on.

but what does it even mean?

i never had a chance to build an identity. i don't know what to think on what to do next as i have no basis from which to begin.

she's talking of retiring in december and moving to the outskirts of london. asked if i want to go with.

maybe a fresh start is needed, a change of environment to build something new?

parts of me realise rich was like her, but parts of me think what if there was more to him??