Recommit to yourself.

Prioritise music. Prioritise different forms of expression like writing since I can't move my body so openly and freely any longer. Maybe even draw or colour? Pay attention to when I need a distraction and choose something healthy over mindless activity. Prioritise putting less sugar in my mouth. Name my emotions more to be able to fully feel them. I am sad today, and longing. But at least identification is the first step. I keep wanting to cry and grieve and I don't think it'll end. I know, it's a part of the spiral of growth. I will always come back to grief and feel stuck in these emotions. Remember, I am healing for generations of women before me who haven't had the chance to express their true feelings/selves, who have been suppressed and pushed down by patriarchal systems, people in societies, and learned ways of being.

According to the mother today, they were taught that there's nothing bad about others and that you don't stand up for yourself or express your anger because it wasn't the done thing. They went without core expressions that their human selves needed (such as anger,) and now it's up to us to fight for that right to express, in the next generation of women. Although, they've tried as best as they could, with all their might, to suppress us from that expression - like it was bad or wrong, and certainly not a natural or normal thing for a human to be doing. Even my counsellor Cath, when I was 19, told me that she really wished she could express my anger for me. That she wanted to, and that she could see there was anger there, and rightly so.

I used to use writing as a tool to express my sadness and anger. I'm wondering if I can get back to that once more. This summer, I used art and movement, dance, singing, embodiment. Now another season of life is here, a more stressful and unsettling one, and I need to find new ways. This is the process of change. This is a normal process that is ongoing in life.

Don't resist the flow. Just remember to recommit to yourself, hun.