I support myself.

I was feeling confident and then stress took over after a mistake that isn't really a mistake, just a decision that I didn't fully think through + toxic salespeople. I tended to my inner child but the night before I'd hurt my back (need new mattress) and stress plus pain is not a fun place to be in. I could hardly sleep, woke up with my fists clenched and jaw tight again. The trauma from my past needs to move through my body, so I made sure I did my workout this morning before meeting Will. He was waiting outside the cinema, and I was in the ticketing office bit (after being like half an hour early). Blaaaaaaady hell. Also, idk if another mistake happened with the ticketing but I guess I will find out. I offered Will chocolate raisins and we saw Parasite (which took more than 2.25 hours because of the stupid ads/trailers.)

Chatted with him in a Caffé Nero across the way after, and spent 1.5 hrs with a window view on the top floor. He got me a hot chocolate because the woman asked if we were paying separately or not and he jumped in asking if I could find some seats and he'd get it. Daaaaaaaamn, I have to ask him to help me with saying no and pay separately. Friends who learn together and grow together are the best ones (more on this later.) But yes, standing on my own two feet in my own power is needed a lot more this year.

So we talked about the movie on the way to get coffee. It's one worth watching again because although it was a film that tried to be a bit of everything, it had some gems in there - and melodrama true to Asian culture. The message on not having a plan in life and then whatever happens is okay, was a good one. And the symbolism of the guy and his rock. Many other things I need to note somewhere. The art therapy! How the poor are pitted against each other under capitalism. The irony he ended up in the same place as the other poor couple. The endless gore etc.

The Will and I chatted inside. About his ghostly encounters (mirrors smashing, dog barking incessantly, Ouija boards) and the serial killer story he's done. He drew Sinead O'Connor and it was age/fading beauty duality he was trying to convey. We talked about Buffy (he hasn't finished S1 yet), he was gonna watch the basketball tonight (Raptors! - He commented me on my basic knowledge of it) Talked about how I don't think of the future, and how he thinks of hating thinking about growing old. Mentioned my crochet and new story and how depressing Outliers is. On not belonging, and how he's felt the feels too.

He was on about his complainy/clingy friends and he leant £10 to Liam which he shouldn't keep bailing him out. I told him to stop, and when he was like, he still talks to the Polish girl who always complains about boys (bahahah, I know so old me). I gather why Will feels like a true friend. We talked on self esteem and doing things for ourselves. He wanted milk with his coffee but never asserted. Gah. I see things so clearly.

I told him of my growth, I told him stop talking to Polish for a month and it'll get easier. I told him to think on what he gets out of these interactions and to analyse this honestly for himself as to why he still keeps them in his life. The 'nice guy' excuse fallacy. I smashed it saying people need to learn on their own and not have you as their crutch. I have been on both sides so I'd know. I shared my nuggets of wisdom and checked if it was okay to give advice and he seemed to be listening intently and getting it. I think it's just the enacting of the things he wants. Even paying for my hot chocolate, did he really want to?! Gah.

So yes, growth together seems to be a path possibility for Will and I.

He was getting a bus from the Shudehill bus station and I walked with him. He told me he lives in a house share but is thinking of moving back in with his 'rents in April - if so, I wanna make all the Bolton trips. He says he eventually aims to live in MCR. Then we encountered a homeless man who was fed up with the people on spice etc. who'd lost his daughter to cancer not long ago (a yr) and wanted some change. I only had 1p ugh. Will gave him a proper shiny. Then we hugged and we may go to Wahaca some time. Woo.

I love life and living. I can conquer and I've got my back through anything.