humans have been disconnected for decades if not a century. they're all traumatised, have founded traumatised systems that are largely still here enacted in the present day and the ones who conform to said systems in one way or five seem to do okay in life more so than those who stand for what humanity and the interconnectedness of the Earth is actually all about. our ancestors had to survive, millions of years ago. but at what point did the trauma leak into societies? at what point did our systems turn to for the few and not for most? was it when agriculture started to dominate? so many q's on how much healing we rly have to do. i hurt for all of the potential centuries that we need to do.
last night i cried and cried for most of the night, a wet sobbing mess, listening to songs i don't usually listen to by SoCo (the harder ones.) i remember how bad it all was, having to just survive growing up. a lot of people never get to be loved by anyone. a lot of people don't get a community. a lot of people find life hard. i am one of those people. but remember, i am here to heal. i have done so much in terms of progress w that, don't ever forget how far i've come. but i will unlikely be able to find people i can ask to build a loving community. a lot of people don't understand love or relationships. i have learned about them. i know love from loving little me, i know relationships from being the opposite of what i went through in my earliest relationships.
i am here for love, mutuality, just being allowed and accepted to be who i am. not having to live in society as it is. i will find my way, i know it. i will find my people, i know it.
but for now, grief hits me like a train on a track. i want to go back to Rich but i know i am just craving the familiar. i deserve much better than him, even he knew it.
rest, and trust lil one. rest and trust.
No comments:
Post a Comment