so yes, i just gotta keep being a part of the community and seeing how i can help. i've always wanted to help people and i shall. on the balance, i need to connect with my body more and spend more time with myself - not being busy. i wish i had that care and support, i wish i had rich in a proper capacity but then, that was it - he couldn't give me that. it might have been better than nothing for most of the time i've known him. but i need more than basically what's not even the bare minimum. i can't and shouldn't just settle. i deserve a stronger base of support from other humans.
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