beauty is everywhere you just gotta look.

i found out nancy died a week ago, this time last week i was in shock. i had a week of grief, and i didn't really wanna go see chris but i showed up. it was nice in the mild sense, but i gave him my gift from my heart (home made) and i could feel that that was a good place to end/erect greater boundaries around my space and time for him. i'd like to have a conversation about it with him some time, but maybe when he notices? idk. i walked for hours upon hours (or what felt like it) yesterday in the country park, it was muddy and mindful and beautiful. small signs of spring abundant everywhere. i ate a whole medium sized pizza myself, and chocolate too without any guilt much at all. another busy week, i hope i can fall asleep flat out by half 11ish like last night.