better to have loved and lost than never to have not loved at all.

i keep waking up thinking about rich, daydreaming about him, thinking on how it could have worked out well between us. neeeeeeeed to move on with that. focus on ash who tells me he's smashing swimming goals he's set. i build on what works, not what doesn't - remember i deserve someone who can add to my life. i watched tracey beaker - my mum and me or whatever that show is. and there's a troubled kid who's lived rough on it - she has complex needs, drinks until she's drunk to forget her pain/not feel it, and who knows what trauma she's been through. it reminds me of where i come from even though it wasn't like that exactly for me.

anyway, started painting with acrylics on the tiles this morning. i gotta say, it's harder than i thought - might try smaller brushes next week? gordon kept on coughing and spluttering everywhere and poor linda was worried about catching it, she started to put on her mask and immediately gordon said he'd wear one too. if he'd been more thoughtful, he would have just left us to paint and coughed in the corner where the window could be open but nope. he went on and on. and i get annoyed when people do things like that, i zoned out more than i'd have liked. then, i found out more about his background. his dad was wealthy and paid for his uni - he did some accounting and something else course but then discovered by working at a clothes shop he had a flair for fashion and the arts and stuff. his daughter did two other degrees before the counselling she's doing now. he did say one of them but i can't remember. another support woman was there, she was overly apologetic about almost painting my tile - i hated making small talk to make her comfortable (at the end of it she was saying how nervous she was, and how she didn't want to stare that's why she tried the painting too etc ugh). oh, and i asked ed about working / vol work there. just to get an idea.

it's snowed and i'm tired so i need to sleep soon.