watch me while i bloom

family stuff went surprisingly well - and i was authentic as possible and people seemed to like me. i think they found it easy to talk to me apart from s's friends - hah weird. i loved the woman from canada, i think it was special talking to her. niraj and bianca, aww. it was cool he lifted the lid on why he quit cheffing, the lifestyle really is terrible. surprised that he's working for whsmiths though. louise and i chatted more than we ever have, though not much one on one, then i brought up modibodi to s, and louise chimed in saying she has the m&s period knickers. nice to hear updates from a and seeing his hair grow longer. he was tryna push onto me to have kids to "continue on the bloodline" ew. yeah, i watched a doc on incels and it's scary when i hear ppl say old timey stuff like that. and yeah, intrigued to hear that s's cousin spoke so highly of me. her other half was brill though, being from huddersfield. and talking to him - cos he went on the roles in their marriage but that they're not necessarily happy with it but kinda cba to change, well it made me realise how much i have broken out of all of that and i'm glad i've forged my own path and not stuck being married and having kids and having a naff "career" although capitalism is to blame for that one. i have had a huge crying few nights. grief about rich, on being a vulnerable child, on having no one and getting myself through everything. then today, writing course was about childhood and bam. that reopened some wounds, plus i think i have started my period today - so not the right time. i'm glad i got to spend time at college today though, better than our wooden spoon people in craft group. next week we're doing felt sewing octopuses and the week after i think we're doing stained glass something on candle holders.

anyway, tomorrow i wanted to go to the vale to try out kitsugi, but i can't cos i rly need to slow down and rest while i can. i need to ring and find out if they'll do it in a couple of wednesday's time when i can go. laundry day tomorrow other than that.